There once was a studious girl named Mary who desperately wanted to pass her chem class. She stayed up very late trying to make all her flash cards in time to study in the morning. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" she called out. Her roommates had been asleep for hours and they were very loud snorers so it fell on her to get up and answer the door.
"So, like, it's Karie. Karie with One Ponytail," was the only response Mary heard before opening the door. Maybe one of her roommates had invited this girl over to study and then forgotten?
Karie with One Ponytail immediately sauntered in, sat down in Mary's seat and started riffling through Mary's papers and study guides.
"Omg, like, where is everyone else? The other Karie's should be here by now... ugh," bemoaned the blonde airhead.
Just then, there was a second knock on the door with a call of "like, open up! It's Karie with Two Ponytails."
Mary went and answered the door again and saw a girl that looked pretty similar to the first girl except she had her hair drawn up in two ponytails.
"Like, give me those papers like, now, you witch," she screeched and wrestled Karrie with One Ponytail for the flashcards.
And so the night went on. Mary opened the door for ten more Karies, each with more ponytails than the last, until there were twelve strange girls in her living room and dining room vying for a chance to study her chem notes. None of them spoke to Mary which was fine because she felt a little overwhelmed. Never before had there been so many people in her apartment let alone all of the Karies in the sorority specifically for girls named Karie!
"Hey, weird girl, make us some kale smoothies. We're hungry but don't want to get bloated."
Mary didn't want to make these girls mad so she desperately searched her kitchen. Alas she could find no Kale and told them so.
"Then go get some, oh my gawd, are you stupid??" Amidst spiteful and mocking laughter, some of the girls tossed cute little coin purses at Mary. She quickly gathered them up and headed to the nearest Walmart. When she got there, she found the kale and a few other ingredients to make smoothies with, then hurried back to the checkout counter. But when she reached into the coin purses to pay, all she found were coupons to male strip clubs. She had left her own wallet at home in her haste to please these dreadful girls and, so, could not pay for the groceries. Poor Mary began to cry.
Then the cashier, a punk-Gothic-rebel of a girl with charcoal smudged eyes and purple streaks in her hair, sighed and asked Mary what was wrong. After Mary had explained her situation, the cashier took pity on her and let her have all of her groceries for free. Then she said "Hey, you could get them to leave by standing outside your house and yelling that all the Starbucks in town are closing down for good!"
"Thanks, I'll try that!" Mary called over her shoulder as she hurried her free groceries to her car.
And, so, she did.
All the Karies with all their ponytails fled into the night to save their basic-white-girl source of power.
And Mary was finally able to study in peace.
Bibliography: Celtic Fairy Tales:
The Horned Women by Joseph Jacobs with illustrations by John D. Batten (1892).
Author's Note:
My story and the original are pretty similar except for tone and the ending. Where The Horned Women is sinister and about witches, my story is a humorous tale of a sorority that is super rude about asking for help with their chem studies. I made the main character a little more likable so the reader (hopefully) felt a grounded. I also left out the ending of the original story because I felt that it didn't fit in with my re-telling and I liked where mine ended.
